deadweight.

getting rid of the people who dont care and never have. the people who dont need to be in my life because theyre not serving a purpose. the people who continue to hurt me and fill my naive head up with lies. the people who dont NEED me and i seem to need them. the people who take advantage of me because they know they can and WILL succeed at it. the people who dont give a fuck and lied to me and said they did. the people who seem to find solace in lying to me constantly. the people who want to embrace my BODY but dont want to be anything more. "fuck buddies". the people who in reality i DONT need.


i need to begin and concentrate on me. instead of worrying about what country & zay doing. aint nobody hurt me as much as they did and nobody ever will. be serious with me and ima always be real with you. thats all i ask is for some cohesion. but seems like i aint never gonna get there with you. but do what you do shawddy ! continue with your bitch and im going to continue with my niqqa(s).

be happy.

because this what you wanted right ?

right.

xoxo,

juicy.B

HER.

I dont know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every part of my body is broken too.

- Chloe Woodward

so naturally this one is for you.

and you know who YOU is if it's you.

lol.

nahh seriously when i love i love deeply and truly.

give it my all if i can.

and i do it whole - heartdly everyone makes mistakes ya know ?

so i dont blame people for their faults because i have a list of minee.

but i dont like being lied to over and over and over.

it happens so much that it's ridiculous.

and when i trust someone with my heart i trust them WITH MY HEART.

i had to give up alot of things to be with you and when i made that descion i was prepared for everything that went along with it.

but it seems like you weren't.

you knew that my rents didnt trust me - so of course they wasnt gonna let you come and get me.

of course i aint have my phone - so i had to try to call you whenever I COULD.

but theirs those thirsty ones.

the ones who got a car and could come and get you whenever.

ya know - the hoes and the bitches ?

the one who " wanted to be me " or the one who knows " you cant live without me "

the ones who knew your weaknessess.

and could easily make you stray .

i aint even gonna stress that shit because clearly i got wrapped into my little shit too...

but ughhhhh its different when its YOU that it's happenning too.

and you were scared i was going to break up with you.

but in reality it was you that I had to be afraid of.

no matter what i say or what the hell i do things will remain the same that just because you love someone and they love you too doesnt meant that you should be together.

thats dumb.

why cant you be with someone who you got feelings for.

or how come when your with that person and they say they with you 110 % no questions asked and making promises to you they end up breaking your heart.

"lets be friends - best friends "

i swear karmas a bitch. the biggest bitch i know. i say that to people who i dont care about. people who i knew wasnt gonna be LONG TERM and you said it to ME.

so with that mentality of not caring in my head how am i SUPPOSED to let it go.

please let me know because i dont know what else it could possibly mean.

feels like the tables been turned.

you say you love me right ?

well just like i told HIM - love dont hurt folk .

but hmmmmm clearly it does ?

because that seems to be the new thing.

hurting the people you cant live without.

because you know you cant live without me right ?

once you with arielle - theres no going back.

i wont let it happen is what im saying ( no cockiness intended )

but if i gotta let you go to be secure in myself and future relationships - thats what im going to do.

my sanity depends on it.

sigh...

HIM.

We know what a person thinks not when he tells us what he thinks, but by his actions.
- Isaac Bashevis Singer (1904 - 1991)

so reading that girls blogs seemed to upset me ALOT.
more than i would like.
see she speaks the truth about jalen.
things that i know firsthand.
and im thinking its only me but SUPRISE ( not really ) she does too.
shes been hurt in the SAME exact ways.
i know i should use what she's saying as a way for me to just leave him but just like her i can't.
and most likely i wont.

thats sad ?

its like what the hell does he possess that he makes every SINGLE girl he mack to

ends up in love.
like i NEVER ever felt this way for anyone BEFORE he came along.
it's kind of intriguing but in the same way hurtful.
he doesnt deserve the girls he hurts.
yet we all think we deserve him.

i dont want to be a "JALEN girl "

i hate those types.
so i made the descion to MOVE on and get ON.
but instead of that succeeding for at LEAST a month.

it didnt.



because i would like to believe that i've become so COLD towards others that i dont sympathize with anyone else but him.
i treat him better than the people who ACTUALLY deserve it.
it's gonna take a lot of will power for me to just let go of him.
but i feel as if i try i can do it.
everytime we get like this i make empty promises to myself that this IS indeed the last time.
three weeks later - we caked up on thee phone saying sorry and making more promises to never let it happen again.
each time we come back from an arguement i feel like i come back a new person.
someone who either is really WEAK or really STRONG.

most times its weak.

i fall hard and i dont know how to get back up.
you really mean alot to me but like i told you before ;

love dont hurt.

and that's all you seem to bring me.

hurt ; anguish ; heartbreak.