oh HOT dayum.

i aint believe him when he said he was coming to school today.
but poof !

THERE HE IS.
GUSH.splash.OCEAN.
LOL.

honestly though i was a mess.

all first period.

thats my nigga.

hmmm.

going to second period.

singing with bree.

china walking all fast and shit.

blah her.

than their goes BITCHlexis.

lmao.

stupid little girl.

it's fun laughing at her with bree.

talking loud in the hallways when she come ABOUT HER.

JUST TO SEE IF SHE GONNA SAY SOMETHING.

wich she never does.

ha.

mhm.

<3

i aint really got ish to say besides im happy babe is here.

f i n a l l y gonna get some honey today.

FINALLY.

fye ?

saddity.

not even gonna write about you because this shit is regular with you.
blah.

---

kinda upset because once again ol' boy says he coming to school and doesnt come.
whatever.

we chillin tomorow anyways so we can catch up on all the missing time over this past 12 days.

WHATEVER.

ha.
anyways im like fuckk what THEY gotta say.
especially THAT GUY he telling me not to do this and that but hmmmm...
yesterday was something else.
like really ?
i wish he would try to say something to me about ANYTHING i just might have to expose a ma'fucka.

like ANYTHING AT ALL.
like A N Y T H I N G.

im offically listening to ONE unit.
and its not him.

bitches.
sneaky bitches.
hmmmmmmmmm.

---
twins party on saturday .
wondering if i should go kinda latee because he wannt me to go to the tattoo party with him.
and i really wanna get one ya know ?
hmmm.

guess its a possibility.
--
i guess thats it .

nothing left to say.
im emotionally drained.
and sexually fustrated.

school needs to be over now.

XOXO ,

juicyy.B

ell.oh.vhee.e

our tattoo.

yummie.

aggravation to the extreme.

so i realized i kinda DONT like that feeling after all.
i mean sure the whole tingly feeling is awesome or whatever.
but theres more to life than THAT ya know ?

more to relationships.

more to everything i guess.
hmmmm.

who gives a fuck though ?
like i've stated before im a ma'ckin G .
mackin till i die.

got A main.
he been there for a minute.
bonnie RIDES for hers.
hers.
do you get my drift ?

yeahh i hope so.
no hard feelings.

i gotta do me.
it's the only thing i KNOW how to do.

<3
---------------

but on a brighter note im okay.

tommorow babe is coming to school.
=)

geekedd as a ma'fucka.
like thats the only reason i dont EVER bitch about shittt.
without him i dunno.
bestfriends for life.

the best thing that ever happenned to me.
i love you bookie.

BONNiE & ZAY <3

IT'S BEEN REAL SHAWDDY fOLK bRUHH.

happytime.

finally happy.

i kind of like the way we are.
kinda.

it's a little annoying because you know i like people for myself.
i dont like sharing.

but i like thisss feeling.

the "tingly" feeling.

the whole entire SEXUAL vibeeee & bestfriend shit we got going on.
theres boyfriend numero dos but he dont really GET ME THERE.
as quick or as long as YOU.

GRRR.

so annoying.
blahh blahh blahh fuckk the hoes.
and the bitch.

not literally.

geesz theyre so annoying.

get a grip.
seriously.

hahahahahahahaha.
BUT NOW IM HORNY AGAIN.

just from thinking about "stuff"

grrrr.

see what you do to me ?
hmmm.

te quiero.

MAC&CHEESE

XOXO,

juicy.B

deadweight.

getting rid of the people who dont care and never have. the people who dont need to be in my life because theyre not serving a purpose. the people who continue to hurt me and fill my naive head up with lies. the people who dont NEED me and i seem to need them. the people who take advantage of me because they know they can and WILL succeed at it. the people who dont give a fuck and lied to me and said they did. the people who seem to find solace in lying to me constantly. the people who want to embrace my BODY but dont want to be anything more. "fuck buddies". the people who in reality i DONT need.


i need to begin and concentrate on me. instead of worrying about what country & zay doing. aint nobody hurt me as much as they did and nobody ever will. be serious with me and ima always be real with you. thats all i ask is for some cohesion. but seems like i aint never gonna get there with you. but do what you do shawddy ! continue with your bitch and im going to continue with my niqqa(s).

be happy.

because this what you wanted right ?

right.

xoxo,

juicy.B

HER.

I dont know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every part of my body is broken too.

- Chloe Woodward

so naturally this one is for you.

and you know who YOU is if it's you.

lol.

nahh seriously when i love i love deeply and truly.

give it my all if i can.

and i do it whole - heartdly everyone makes mistakes ya know ?

so i dont blame people for their faults because i have a list of minee.

but i dont like being lied to over and over and over.

it happens so much that it's ridiculous.

and when i trust someone with my heart i trust them WITH MY HEART.

i had to give up alot of things to be with you and when i made that descion i was prepared for everything that went along with it.

but it seems like you weren't.

you knew that my rents didnt trust me - so of course they wasnt gonna let you come and get me.

of course i aint have my phone - so i had to try to call you whenever I COULD.

but theirs those thirsty ones.

the ones who got a car and could come and get you whenever.

ya know - the hoes and the bitches ?

the one who " wanted to be me " or the one who knows " you cant live without me "

the ones who knew your weaknessess.

and could easily make you stray .

i aint even gonna stress that shit because clearly i got wrapped into my little shit too...

but ughhhhh its different when its YOU that it's happenning too.

and you were scared i was going to break up with you.

but in reality it was you that I had to be afraid of.

no matter what i say or what the hell i do things will remain the same that just because you love someone and they love you too doesnt meant that you should be together.

thats dumb.

why cant you be with someone who you got feelings for.

or how come when your with that person and they say they with you 110 % no questions asked and making promises to you they end up breaking your heart.

"lets be friends - best friends "

i swear karmas a bitch. the biggest bitch i know. i say that to people who i dont care about. people who i knew wasnt gonna be LONG TERM and you said it to ME.

so with that mentality of not caring in my head how am i SUPPOSED to let it go.

please let me know because i dont know what else it could possibly mean.

feels like the tables been turned.

you say you love me right ?

well just like i told HIM - love dont hurt folk .

but hmmmmm clearly it does ?

because that seems to be the new thing.

hurting the people you cant live without.

because you know you cant live without me right ?

once you with arielle - theres no going back.

i wont let it happen is what im saying ( no cockiness intended )

but if i gotta let you go to be secure in myself and future relationships - thats what im going to do.

my sanity depends on it.

sigh...

HIM.

We know what a person thinks not when he tells us what he thinks, but by his actions.
- Isaac Bashevis Singer (1904 - 1991)

so reading that girls blogs seemed to upset me ALOT.
more than i would like.
see she speaks the truth about jalen.
things that i know firsthand.
and im thinking its only me but SUPRISE ( not really ) she does too.
shes been hurt in the SAME exact ways.
i know i should use what she's saying as a way for me to just leave him but just like her i can't.
and most likely i wont.

thats sad ?

its like what the hell does he possess that he makes every SINGLE girl he mack to

ends up in love.
like i NEVER ever felt this way for anyone BEFORE he came along.
it's kind of intriguing but in the same way hurtful.
he doesnt deserve the girls he hurts.
yet we all think we deserve him.

i dont want to be a "JALEN girl "

i hate those types.
so i made the descion to MOVE on and get ON.
but instead of that succeeding for at LEAST a month.

it didnt.



because i would like to believe that i've become so COLD towards others that i dont sympathize with anyone else but him.
i treat him better than the people who ACTUALLY deserve it.
it's gonna take a lot of will power for me to just let go of him.
but i feel as if i try i can do it.
everytime we get like this i make empty promises to myself that this IS indeed the last time.
three weeks later - we caked up on thee phone saying sorry and making more promises to never let it happen again.
each time we come back from an arguement i feel like i come back a new person.
someone who either is really WEAK or really STRONG.

most times its weak.

i fall hard and i dont know how to get back up.
you really mean alot to me but like i told you before ;

love dont hurt.

and that's all you seem to bring me.

hurt ; anguish ; heartbreak.